SeEking my Polaris

feelings n emotions truly come and go like the passing breezes.. it often felt like a chasing after the wind.. i wished, that time will stop now. but the fact remained that the secondhand goes on ticking.. and we continue to breathe inorder for oxygen to replace the carbon dioxide in our system, i can only hold my breath for no more than 3 mins, and it already felt like eternity. the fact remains that you will not be by my side for long. the reality has come crushing down too soon. i know.. i may be thinking too much.. but when i feel that i cant hv a solid feel of you.. i feel like letting in all sink. what's so bad about letting it all sink in? i feel like nothing.

all the people out there enjoying this labour day holiday, the suntanning and chilling out at coffee places, the way those families & couples swarmed to shopping malls and eateries, movie theatres, bookstores, or playing mahjong, couching up like a potato in front of the tv. can you all stop acting so happy? i cant stand it.

Sometimes I forgot what was it like to live in my waywardness.. the extreme depression that is able to suck me in too easily. It came crushing on me like a thousand waves. I don’t want any such experience of not knowing what I have done previous weekends.. days.. hours.. the feeling of time collapsing into a multitude of dark horizon.. One that gives me the illusion in which I am very much in existent throughout these times, or none at all.

Do not let your happiness depend on something you may lose... only [upon] the Beloved who will never pass away.

-- C. S. Lewis

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