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its Just me & my thOughts.. walking Side by side.. on the Sandy beach.

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SeEking my Polaris

Tuesday, February 28, 2006
BBM
If anyone is thinking of watching brokeback mountain.
Don’t. It sucks.
I will rather spend time at home to catch some documentary on animal kingdom.
Okay.. yes, it is THAT bad.
And the fact that it dragged on for more than 2 horrendous hours.
Funnily, the outing also turned out bad.
Maybe my suggestion of watching it in MS was stupid.
There is no coffeeplace that opens for 24 hrs.

I have a serious obsession with sleeping these days.
Once again, it was proven right that its not any easy
to adjust to another person's temperament & disposition.
Sometimes I just wanna let go of all the pressures,
expectations & disagreements..
Why do I allow myself to be hurt with yr reckless words?
There is no point to this entry.
really..
Monday, February 27, 2006
irritated
I got into this not very nice situation with an acquintance.
We didn’t exactly quarrel or anything like that
its just that he suddenly just got so irritating
till I have to resort to put him on ignore list for everything.
Dunno why but he just friggin irritates me since many weeks ago.
He expects me to return his sms.
And everyday there will be an sms that goes something like,
‘can we chat tonight?’
He expects me to watch certain movies with him
If I reply no for all the above, he will ask me why???
Being a nice gal, i would sometimes still bother to explain.
He passed very snide remarks when i'm relating some funny
incidents that i had while going out with other friends.
Then he will say things like.. ok lor, nvm lor, you enjoy lor..
Huh, the last that I remember, I don’t owe you my life?!

Why some people just cannot take NO for an answer?
He totally freaked me out.
Im really sorry.. that is not how I would normally treat my friends
But you got me up to the brim
You are starting to remind me of my boss.

Im mean, im ultra happy to go clubbing with friends and
enjoy each other’s company. But that doesn’t mean im committing
my entire life to entertaining you right? I hate to be so mean.
But you totally defeated me this time.
Friday, February 24, 2006
shitty
This stomach cramp is totally unbearable..
i woke up in the middle of night and rolled on the bed.
why do I have to go through this stupid torture month in month out?

I wanna be reincarnated as a MAN in my next life!!




p/s: Sorry god.. i know there isnt A Next Life.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Mezza
Department lunch was at Mezza at Hyatt today.
Instead of going for the buffet we went for the lunch sets instead.
One bento set cost frigging $39and one lobster noodles set another frigging $42..
we had like about 10 pax. You do the sums.
The food is authentic and ambience is good.
I don’t mind going back again on company accounts.. haha.
Too bad the pms cramp is giving me a bloated stomach,
else I think I would have certainly enjoyed my food more.

Kudos to birthday lunches.
They make shorter working hours.
Weeeeeee~
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
bo liao
si bei jia lat...

friend: eh you know the Tammy NYP sex video gal?

me: uh huh.. but i hvnt seen the clips. poor thing though.

friend: actually hor, she looks bit like you, especially the side angle.

me: really or not!

friend: i sent you her photos

me: die man.. really look abit alike.
but... but at least she quite chio.

friend: "......."

hahaha~
jOke
I was watching the ‘Shall We Dance’ DVD the other day. The movie cast includes Richard Gere and J Lo. Mum was reading the papers beside me and she commented that J Lo was fat. I told her she is voted as the actress with best figure because her ass is protruded enough for men to put their mugs of beer on it. Mum say wah.. like that also can.

Then she saw Richard Gere doing the suave ballroom dance moves..
She asked matter of factly [in Hokkien], Is this the guy who rear birds?
I say, wad are you talking about?

Then she coyly replied.. The visa advertisement one right? I rolled on the floor laughing and screamed breathlessly.. He gave money for people to free those birds.. not rear birds~

friggin funny can!

PMSy + Hungry... am beginning to think of what to order at TCC later..
no cold drinks, no cold drinks, no cold drinks...
Friday, February 17, 2006
句点
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Thursday, February 16, 2006
ridiculously cold
its damn cold in the office
while the sun is scorching hot outside.
my fingernails are turning blue

its damn cold in my heart
and i would like to know why

Strongly recommend this song:

歌曲:心动心痛
歌手:刘畊宏/许慧欣 专辑:彩虹天堂

宏:黑夜渗透了想念
偷不走微光闪现的千种画面
我背着伤痛离开
孤单拖着记忆支离破碎

欣:原以为不会改变
眼泪在脸颊上干枯失去知觉

合:我的心挣脱了爱
跟随着夕阳埋进了海洋

合:为什么相爱的人却又为爱而纷争
现实的翅膀扰乱了原本幸福的气氛
我有我的过错
我有我的疑惑
藏在面对面的折磨背后
为什么让爱躲进乌云密布的天空
随着风漂流在外一点一点的散落
慢慢远离的梦
渐渐冷却冰封
心痛都当初相遇的心动

宏:慢慢远离的梦
欣:渐渐冷却冰封
communicate
I watched so much tv last night.. trying to make my eyes tired.
But still I couldn’t sleep.
Maybe I shouldn’t watch exciting shows like ‘America’s Idol or top model’ back to back, but I really enjoyed the bitching and unusual paths these people are willing to go through to realize their dreams. Sleepless night until 3am.. Sometimes you know its better to just let it go, but you cant. You just cant. So I started packing my room abit. Erm… like shifting the coaster here and there.

That day the Korean movie made me cry and cry towards the end.
I often cry at movies bcos of someone dying in the show.
That’s the most grief moment in life.
Other things might not go well.. but at least you know the person
is still doing okay in life.
You can still give your blessings to the person.
If the person dies.. you know that things are not reversible anymore.
Love, hatred, bitterness and so many ‘it could have beens’.
Its like.. all your regrets for the person are gonna stay with you forever.
Until you die, of cos.

I think coffins /graves should provide a pigeon hole slot.
So that living people can write a note for the dead.
Their forgiveness, love, regrets shall be written out and slot into the pigeon hole. Its kinda a release and there wont be this knot that is forever in their hearts.
I dunno if the dead will reply.. maybe start appearing in dreams or whatever.. that’s kinda a good way to communicate, no?
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
bliss
Dear All

As per my announcement in the intraweb on the office shutdown for CNY, please be informed that your allocation of leaves is prorated based on your attendance to the company events and date of hire. As such, after our computation you are entitled to 4 days of leave-in-lieu, therefore, NO designated leave will be deducted from your annual leave.

Please approach me if you require further clarification.
HR

This is really good news after enjoying for more than
1 week’s break for Chinese new year on company’s account.
Yeah! I think this company deserves a 4 star for staff welfare.
The above scenario will never never happen in 'shitty hole'.
I seriously think that i'm pretty contented where i am now.
and i was never one who wants to be stuck in a rat race.
I treasure everyday of my balanced lifestyle now.
Shall enjoy my stay while it lasts :)

Cool.. I think Kelly phoon just launched her new album yesterday?
I saw some crowd outside The Balcony at HMV.
Then there is this fat guy wearing a pink, Kelly fan club tee shirt.
He looked very geared up with a video camcorder.
The magazine rated her album a 4 star.. seemed like not bad.

I had flowers sent to my office yesterday.. it came as a surprised.
Thanks for being thoughtful.
The sweetest thing a guy can say to me is:
‘I wish we will still be celebrating Vday even when we are old. And I mean it.’
Monday, February 13, 2006
its the little things that counts..
My ideal valentine day date..
is to have my valentine to cook a full course meal for me.
No need candle light and stuff..
just whipped out some dishes that will send warmth straight through my heart.
Good conversation throughout dinner..
and no, no telly in the background please.

And then, if no home cooked dinner,
assuming my valentine is a hopeless case of can-burn-down-kitchen-type of hunk.
dinner at Chomp Chomp is fine also.
i can find my favourite stingray n BBQ chicken wings there n fried carrot cake

Then, we can proceed to drink wine under the stars at dunno where.
Preferably somewhere not too crowded but not too isolated that it becomes boring.
Good conversation will be a plus.

That will make sure those damn merchants don’t get to commercialize
this whole valentine day love affair shite any further.

ops, i think i left out the gift part.
nvm... a new mobile phone will do just fine. HAHAHA.


p/s: thanks for asking if you can read the papers at coffeebean to check something.
i personally think it was a v polite & sweet gesture to make sure that i dont feel left out.
weekends
wah.. i still really love the dou hua alot.
my col ordered one to try after my recommendation [its not in the menu ma]
then she say its nice but selegie one can fight...
OMG.. she got tastebud problem is it?
so i quickly gobble down as much as i want!
smoothest dou hua in town sliding down my throat..
beri shiOk :)

Party at Newsroom bar was ok but my 2 angmoh bosses were there and
we sorta had to entertain them abit.
taught them to play 5-10;
i forgot that angmohs are not very good with maths and addition
until they start to keep losing
the ang-bao giving CEO was really friendly and charismatic
we had loads of fun as they were the grand losers of the night.
and they do not drink our usual concoction of burbon coke.
theirs consist of one full glass of neat burbon w ice.. plus a SPLASH of coke on top.
very potent!
The night ended with 2 empty bottles of Jim beam, empty beer juggies
and redded face people.

Sat went to a birthday lunch celebration. i dragged myself up at 10am.
and it was enjoyable as we sabo the bday gal and boy at kenny rogers
i still dont like the food there after all these years.. shrugs.
then hor... i went home around evening time..
i slept on the bus, and when i reach home, i slept on the couch
then finally on my bed. dinner was at an insane timing of 9pm?

Yesterday was Chinese valentine's day... the moon was round and bright.
but i still had insomnia till 2am.
couldnt sleep... just couldnt sleep.
i decided to finish the last bit of a book.. and that helped!
i was able to hv 5 hrs of sound sleep till my alarm disrupt my dreamless night.
thats a good start for now.

funny how the bruise on my lower lip is still there... :
Friday, February 10, 2006
Event 1
Venue
Si Chuan Dou Hua Restaurant at TOP of UOB Plaza
80 Raffles Place #60-01 UOB Plaza1

Programme
7 PM--Arrival of guests
7.15PM--Award presentation
7.30PM--Lor Hei
7.45PM--Dinner start
9.30PM--Fireworks (at River AngPao)
10PM hit Toto Jackpot S$12Mil (let's go party)

you know that is one of my favorite restuarant in SG?
because they served mouth watering food plus dou hua
the freshest and smoothest and softest soya bean curd i have evar tasted.
my company committee has good choice.. hee..
but i dunno where the hell will the fireworks come from.


wait... Toto jackpot? i never buy leh...
pls share with me whoever strike it ok?
i will be your doormat for a year :)

and i like the 'let's go partyyy' part.
drinks can miraculously cure insomnia. i think.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
those times
Talked to a vendor from my ex coy.
One that I can clicked pretty well with.
We added each other on msn.
Its always amazing to find long lost friends and do some catching up over the net.
Im kinda shocked that he is going for separation with his wife.
I heard rumours that he has a newfound love interest
Which he didn’t really mention to me
But he admitted that he was the one who initiated the separation
He say both of them were aware that things are awkward between them
& the relationship is going downhill
The love is dwindling
He didn’t want to see her in misery forever.
He went into depression and it affected the marriage a great deal.
To end it all, he finally made his stand.

My only comment to him was that:
You are very brave.

He asked me, ‘Are you really happy?’
I told him that I don’t know… but I will try to be.
‘But, Are U Happy right now?’ came his reply.
Hee… thanks for the concern my friend.
I think I will be alright.

Titus suffered from depression.
And he sent me an exceptionally long email.
It almost freaked me out.
In it, he wrote alot about us, about his friend betraying him, about his parents
[lovely folks they are by the way], about his life.
Its almost like a suicidal note.
It got me friggin’ scared.

Since a long time ago, I have learnt to suppress emotions within me
And that is why im willing to continue on this journey
Nobody can be happy all the time.
If there are no down times,
There wont be any up times

I choose to continue walking because...
I also dunno why.
Let’s continue breathing alright?
It will be okay.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
:s
today is a freaking hot day.
makes me feel kinda suffocated.

do you feel that way too?
WP
This thing looks cool~ the limited-edition gimmick always works. ALWAYS. ;p

This thing is saddening.
my friend says mankind are becoming too deluded with their purpose on earth.
maybe so.

creating an uproar over cartoons? - yes, they were wrong and they apologised.
and now dunno who are calling for the cartoonist to be executed.
and then, so what?

i heard Memoirs of Geisha is being banned in china.
a classic depicting an era that geishas were groomed and their sad stories.
ban and then, so what?

i really dun understand.

World Peace.
The contestants of them beauty pageants didnt wish hard enough!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
$
Hello blog. Welcome me back.
Hmm ya, my long holidays are finally over now,
Yeah~
I hv had enough of slacking.
Did I hear myself right?
I will never get enough of that.
even if im just cuddling myself in bed for 1 month
i will be happy like shite.
it seemed like i have done alot of things but not really accomplishing much.
still, i had a great balanced break.
today i came back to office. Our CEO flew down from USA
he went around giving each of us 2 mandarin oranges and a big angbao [read: money].
very ke qi right?
got 100 over employees lor. give handshakes till he surrender.
the ang bao has an attractive blue colour note in it.
its grinned at me;
and i smiled back.


Something really jabbed deeply into my hearts these days
Did I carve these words onto my forehead?
‘im lame, use me please’
Why is it that when you are knocked down in life
then you think of the good ‘old me?
When you feel like the whole world has turned its back on you
then you miss me?
I can never refuse someone who is in the lack
& im not only referring to financial here
I can help you to fill up
Your emotional gaps
Your hurted soul
Your inferiority complex
Your bruised ego
Your broken heart

Yes, im the most reliable friend on earth
Use me pls.

But please don’t throw me away after you use me
Im not a condom.
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