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its Just me & my thOughts.. walking Side by side.. on the Sandy beach.

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SeEking my Polaris

Friday, April 29, 2005
...
Barista crushes are complicated by the fact that coffee accelerates the heart rate in much the same way that physical attraction does. It is difficult, at times, to distinguish overcaffeination from an amorous stirring in the ventricles. Hearts pound against the inside of your chest for chemical reasons as well as physical reasons. You can be made lightheaded by a glance or by the inhalation of smoke, or by standing up too suddenly.

Shouldn't there be two completely distinct and distinguishable channels for these sorts of sensations, one marked "physiological" and one marked "emotional"? Or are these two things inseparable? posted by AK

im completely bowled over...
feels kinda tired today though.. maybe the nite flew by too soon & the morning came too freaking fast. Anywayz.. i love the consistency of feeling loved.. :)
Thursday, April 28, 2005
i hv the right to remain silence..
I’m consolling myself that it’s not his fault for making me go round & round in circles. Its just a fact that a blind is leading the blind. If I had taken his words for it, & had been abit more blunt with the other parties, I wld hv gotten my face in the wall too many times. I am lying low to see how the matrix works around here. Thank god I know its important to be humble n have polite manners.. I came not to make enemies (like they are so used to here) I came to bring peace n to fulfill my duty for being paid. I shall tread very carefully from now on.. I really can’t trust him. It’s my last wish to be made a fool by him. And he better wake his ideas up for now. All I’m trying to say is that… He is such a bloody asshole!!! Pun intended.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
midweek
stayin at home to tidy my desk yest nite was fruitful, & i mean literally. Discovered an unopened birthday angbao from last year. Some words were written on the back... "Stay happy & joyful, love daddy".. i dont hv to open it to know that it contains $120 bucks. This was his practise for many years now. even with my nieces n nephew in the picture now, he still kept the tradition for big kids like us. My folks are people whom i can never do enough to repay them.

Then i started counting money from my wallet.. i realised i carried $300 over in cash w me (cos pple hv been returning me $ here & there). i stashed about a hundred somewhere just in case i get robbed after this blog is published. Just my luck today that i forgot to put my wallet back into my office bag. im now left with no wallet & no cards!

Searched frantically & I finally found some emergency cash money of $50 in a secret compartment & an emergency ezlink card w only less than a dollar value in it. How ironic.. god provided n god took away just like that! But in the end, im still able to get by :)

>>> this sat.. im going to David tao's mini concert at expo... my heart is exploding with excitement! Oh.. did i mention that the tickets were not for sale? and that it fell from the sky not too long ago.. and that a good hearted gentleman readily offered them to me. and that he has thrown in his company too.. haa. yeah~ i cant believe, tell me this isnt a dream.
& words are all i have...

He sent me tis fRom a blog:

it's impossible to say a thing exactly the way it was, because you can never be exact,
you always have to leave something out,
there are too many parts, sides, crosscurrents, nuances;
too many gestures, which could mean this or that,
too many shapes which can never be fully described,

too many flavors, in the air or on the tongue, half-colors,
too many.



Then he came back with this..

Isn't it strange how words and speech are able to describe literally everything by communicating to the auditory and visual senses but still end up inadequate to express a true human emotion. Whereas the eyes can convey every human emotion perfectly with seemingly little effort. If you could only see my eyes now.


As usual, i had something to say too... :)

If my flow is an erractic one, you flowed along just fine.
I am losing count of the ripple effects that you are causing in my quiet stream.
Every circle creates an outer circle that it enveloping.. 1,2,3,4...
We are interlinked but we never seemed to cross the border of each others'comfort zone.
It seemed perfect on the outside.. but within, are jus ripples that are dissolving quietly.

>>> Note: office emails are not all about work n forwarded jokes.. occasionally there is someone who sends a refreshing breeze that lingers..
Monday, April 25, 2005
sunday~
sunday came & sunday went.. the farewell for YX went ok. everyone (the guys mainly ;p) were just so interested in the delectable pot luck! Its enough to get those big boys to tuck in readily, and thankfully, my potato salad turned out ok. too much of a rush but i enjoyed myself. hee.. im always interested in knowing more about pple and their plans, had a good time talking with PK, & YX who is leaving for taiwan this thurs to start a new phase of his life with his now pregnant taiwanese bride. :)

people come & people go.. the things that are here today might not be the same tomorrow. and that's how i like my life to be. Live and let live.

its monday now.. and im down w fever. the drowsiness of the medi is kicking in.. Zzz time for now, haa~
friday~


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haa... these pics are a gift to a dear frn. jus thot of taking these pic for fun & for rememberance cos our dear JY, brought a gal along! a kawaii one i must said. hee... ;p (ohh.. these photos are open for bidding if 'someone' is interested)

it was a fun dinner/ktv outing.. catching up with one another as we hvnt had such gatherings for a long time. Too bad weewee went to taiwan to surprise her beloved, we missed her presence. YL was totally gentleman as he sent each one of us home after supper (he was the only one who ate though!). he will be a good bf as he bother to park the car and see me to the lift. Maid, as usual looked abit out of sort.. was it stress? was it that worm? or simply that JY brought a gal along? ;p .. i dunno. but she will get better only if she starts to plan for her future. Escapism isnt a long term route.. but of cos, who's to say that we have never taken that easy way out before. :)



Saturday nite~

Sat nite was a flabulous nite.. we had sooooo much to eat at sushi teh.. thanks to jaz's long awaited treat. We hv all left shitty hole by now & it was all thanks to shitty hole that our frnship was established. haa. do i dare say that we hv all moved on to greener pastures now. Nono.. yes u r in greender pasture cos the stress isnt showing on yr face now. you get what i mean. lol~

oh.. before i start blabbering about the foOd! zol & i had a great time watching 'Guess who?' its was jus so crappy & we thoroughly enjoyed watching 'Mr. Persy Jones' making a big fool of himself trying to act the macho black dad who is over protective of his daughter, getting engaed to a White Guy (a cute one i mux add ;p).. and we thank god that it was a romance comedy as we didnt suffer from stiffed necks sitting at the first 2 rows! something hilarious.. we had to make our way to the centre of the 2nd row (yes we were late!) and we both had our hands full w popcorn n a drink each. I stepped on someone!.. dun asked me who cos the place is damn dark by the time we enter.. idiotic thing is 1/3 of my popcorn was spilled over to the front row as i make my way in awkwardly the most unglam way and though i kept saying 'S-cuse 'me S-cuse 'me' those fools jus refused to barge, its not my fault ar..

after a sumptous meal, we moved on to the 24 hrs Coffee club outside Cali fitness. I cant imagine i downed another iced mocha w vanilla ice cream~ & i thot i was feeling stoned after fri's late nite. we had so much to talked.. (the gals mainly) yes, we talked from our jobs to bgr, to being a Bi, to titus ;p and to jaz's selfish way of loving, and to zol's aunt agony stint.. the nite jus flow by with a satisfied stomach. Jaz, i totally appreciate your honesty.. i dun think many people will admit that they are a self-centred lover.

On a personal nOte.. i thot the most worthwhile thing to toast the Sake to.. is our friendship :)

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Friday, April 22, 2005
whats the problem?
Who says everyone is in a relaxed mood on Friday? TPG isn’t.

Rene got ticked off by her boss (TPG) for coming back half an hour later.. nearly 2 months now and her boss finally blew his top. Her boss is notorious for being strict on punctuality, and I guess… rene has tested his patience too many times. Haa.. ya, we shouldn’t have played these late lunch stunts time & again, but my boss (LGD) don’t really care. He didn’t say anything even when colleagues in my dept come in 45 mins late every morning. Hiakz.


Back to rene, Yap, we were together and we finished lunch at 1240pm, damn early and we could have come back on time but we went on to talk for another hour! Its just that we have much to share about our lives and lives around us. This is the first time I hear her talking about her family problems... her financial situation to be exact.

Makes me wonder... recently quite a few of people around me confided in me that they are having financial problem, some are hit directly becos of over commitment, most are being entangled because of a family problem. Is that the way that society is made up? Why is it like after you are committed to marriage or something happened in the family.. you start to get strangled in that kind of situation, a helpless situation. How many wrongs must we take to get something right?


I feel ashamed of myself at times for behaving like a kid at times. Those people in harder situations never say anything about giving up. Damn… this sounds really depressing on a Friday. When I’m looking forward to having a good time with my friends tonight and over the weekends. I feel like a parasite.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
cheery blossoms


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i wanna go Japan to see pretty cherry blossoms... can i go? when can i go?



i would really love to go...

fanntasy
woke up this mornin feelin not very good.. think yesterday nite the aircon was strong.
though i felt so cold in the middle of the nite but was simply too lazy to reach for the controller to adjust the temperature.
was shivering for the whole nite under my blankets.. haa.. served me right.

was so excited yest nite... k.. maybe some of you will not share this excitement..
Fann is back on the small screen again!! i caught a glimpse of her when i came back about 9 plus..
my usual routine wld be to go straight for a bath to feel comfy n refreshed..
BUT! fann had me glued to the TV set for a full 10 mins..
I just like her. Simple beauty.
yeah, though i know she put in a lot of effort to have that 'natural beauty'..
but really.. all i can say is she has the X-factor. and the fact that she is a good actress is a plus.

Very appealing.

i know of someone who will rush home to watch Gallen Lo on Channel U every nite..
probably i will be doing the same too these few weeks, but i will be glued to channel 8. keke..


Tuesday, April 19, 2005
i guess?
突然间... 好需要'实在感'.
我常用的... '我想是吧...' (I guess...),
只是一重不敢给于承诺的表示.
能不能一切都有一个绝对.
For a dear friend, Get better soon
爱我的资格
歌手:s.h.e

把手放了
我也许会比较快乐
我也许会换个情人
我也许不会再撑

真的够了
能不能让雨别再下了
能不能让心别再疼了
能不能不要开灯

我们的爱跟着你写的剧本
出现了越来越多的角色
我是你什么人
如果不是情人
是不是不要再浪费我的人生

你比我更清楚
你对我多好多温柔多认真
不构成爱我的资格
除非你只看着我想着我只有我
爱本来就该独一无二

为你伤心多一点少一点
流下的眼泪都一样不值得
世界上那么多人
只有我一个人
能拯救自己的快乐

不要再为你哭了
Monday, April 18, 2005
Wad a BitCh! lol~
Dear ,

I apologise for all the confusion. I will ensure that no one from G.S. will contact you besides myself.

Regards
Anthony


----- Original Message -----

Sent: Monday, April 18, 2005 5:43 PM
Subject: RE: Print ads.


Dear Anthony,

Thanks for the info. As a customer i really dont appreciate that to happen, its a waste of my time. If its your internal problem, pls clear it up and dont confuse customers by the way your offices operates. It only shakens my confidence of your establishment so to speak that you are giving customers more hassle rather than convenience. Pls let me know clearly on who should i liase with regarding signing of your publications contract. If this line is not drawn within yourselves, it is really difficult for a customer like us to maintain a good working relationship with g.s. .

I really appreciate the good service and professionlism that you hv displayed thus far. If its possible, pls forward this email to your boss as a feedback from me, your customer .

Thanks,

-----Original Message-----
From: Anthony Teo To:
Subject: Re: Print ads.

Hi there,

Just got information that my China Area Sales manager wants to have a conference call with you to try to get you to sign up with them. From our system, they should be able to get your contact. I am not sure when will he do it or maybe not. Will let you know whats the latest outcome.

Cheers
Anthony

Saturday, April 16, 2005
my blue blue skies

~so proud of my blue blue skies collection I .... thanks to zol who contributed some.

why am i such a fanatic about skies? because it amazes me with its constant changes.. and its beauty lies in its every facade that doesnt fade. i wanna capture it in eternity.

if only i could...


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backlog to 09 april 05 -

Promised i will upload the chalet/bbq/ktv pictures... here gOes. :)




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Friday, April 15, 2005
criteria
Came across this on the internet.. Some opinions on what man / woman looks at when they choose their significant others. Interesting? The list is inexhausive, of course :)

1I think it's a mix of all the above! Money being last on the list, but ulimately it does help!
2Not everything needs to be shared some high priority interests for both which take up a significant amount of time in a day/week ought to be shared
3Someone who truly wanted to know me for who I am
4Connection
5Very good personality,someone who i can get along with
6Someone who totally "gets me" -- who understands me and I can be myself with.
7a huge penis
8fun
9All of the above!
10a feeling of connection
11that we are both walking with the Lord
12Good communivcations and respect
13a mutual bond.. both in interest and how we spend our lives
14That the person is genuinely interested, curious and cares about others.
15care
16lust
17ALL OF THE ABOVE, I'd be lying if I only said good looks and intelligence
18honesty and communication
19friendship, trust and love
20all the above
21compatiblity
22shared individuality
23friendship, intelligence and sensitivity
24A person that puts God first.
25The ability to accept one's faults with smiling grace and understanding. Also, a nice rack don't hurt none.
26personality
27good outlook on life and being a kind person
28friendship and good looks
29Shared values
30you have to be physically attracted to someone then their personality is the most imporant part.
31character of the person
32for this question i put it in number like 1st i need her intelligence 2nd-her look 3rd-romance etc...
33Christianity
34easy to communicate.
35shoe type dress teeth and eyes
36integrity of character along with intelligence and shared values and interests
37Shared character
38Compatible (not nessesarily shared) interests
39chemistry/communication
40Just the right feelings about him
41Shared values
42good looks, intelligence, shared interest, matched sex drive
43Similar perspectives, modest, comfort and understanding
44kind and caring
45FRIENDSHIP
46Christian
47dunno
48All of the above are important when choosing your other half ofcourse
49honesty, passion,trust,humor
50Personality I really like someone with a sarcastic attitude.
51respect
52Shared interest and very intelligence
53unconditional love and understanding


My mum used to say 'you choose others, others also choose you mah'. hahaa....
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Thursdae
damn damn damn.... CEO is in town and everyone seemed so on the ball. There's a meeting scheduled this afternoon with him, thank god its not a one to one.. Hee. Anyway, glad that the acting will only be on for 2 days, and then everythin is back to normal :)
thats how the corporate world is.. A Facade. Get used to it, but do not be overwhelmed by it.

' we are in this world... but not of this world.'
...think its in the book of Luke or Matthew. :)

ok guys, this is not for you.
My menses came, just a day late from last mth. The best thing is.. no severe stomach cramp! again!
It amazing u know.. since i started this new job, i havent been experiencing menstrual cramp.
I really mux sit down and analyse this, do a hypothetical test or something, to see the effect of before and after. I remember the cramp was so bad in shitty hole that i gotta really rest on my seat & put hot water bottle.
was it lesser stress? more sleep? waking up later? no breakfast?.... any wisdom? hmm...
but the feeling is great.. even went for macs jus now. haa...
oh.. the 24 hrs Mac + McCafe at West coast is great! spacious, nice ambience.. heard its 24 hrs on weekends..
Anyone game for a late night cuppa @ McCafe? ;p


Wednesday, April 13, 2005
aussie link
was late for work today by 20 mins. expected.
cos i stayed out till 11 plus last nite. on a tuesday nite! muahaha..
but strangely, now im feeling quite fresh.
maybe its true that too much sleep makes you even more tired.
or maybe as you aged, you dont really need that much sleep at all.

the gals were just as fabulous ;p
when the chemistry is there, you dont really hv to try very hard to strike a conversation.
a hearty one i mux say :)

guess wad? bumped into a long lost friend from my aussie chapter.
As i recall, i remember vividly how i cried my eyes out at the airport
and i couldn't stop the tears even when i was on the plane.
He happened to sit beside me, and kindly distracted me from homesickness as we talked about our poly days.
It had to be that we were from the same poly! He is quite a humourous guy and his cheery laughter saved me. haa~
Kept in contact w him in aussie and we had some fun outings together w friends we got together.
He is making a trip back this thurs to visit his bro, cool~
just wondering... when's my turn to go back?


He asked me whether is my work related to what I hv studied.. i said 'yeah, marketing and PR stuff'
He exclaimed 'Really?!! that was exactly what you said when i asked you what do you intend to do after you finished your degree those years back. You said - marketing and PR stuff!'

sheepishly i thought to myself... I dont quite remember that i said that to him, maybe i was feeling all ambitious & aspiring then. But then again, does it means that im actually fulfilling my goal in life? Am I the blessed few? or am I simply stuck in this ruffled life that i hv designed with my own hands? haha~
What we decide upon today, will somehow hv a chained effect on our lifes.
or like what zol used to say... '后果自负'. :)




Tuesday, April 12, 2005
hollow
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Gal: I kept my distance because i dunno how do you want me to love you.

Monday, April 11, 2005
Titus
The space on his left wrist amazes me...until now.
The Titus watch that i bought for him on his birthday so many years back still sits there, where it once belonged. I pointed to the watch, with a genuine surprised looked on my face, he smiled thoughtfully & said 'yeah... this is your watch, i changed battery 2 times already, but its still in good condition.'
With my ever scorpio nature, i wonder if he wore it just to please me. I was looking for more clues.. could see that the watch was already well worn on the metal sides. The watch face was scratchless though.. since a long time ago, i knew how he took extra pain to take care of things that are precious to him. Somehow, i knew that he didnt just put it on cos he is meeting me, not his style to patronise me that way.
Though its been quite a while... it still feels comfortable talking to him. Just like old friends i thought. We drove on long routes to our destination, the conversation flowed... Sade's songs were playing softly in the background. Simple pleasures...
Housing Estate Pageant for GUYS?!
http://www.mistersingapore.org/mistersingapore/Contestants/contestants.htm

LOL~ this is so hilarious... check it out.
radicpunk & jaz you can go for it!!!

p/s: my vote goes to Serangoon. Pleasant and appealing. what abt yours? ;p
weekend hangover
Help me, I’m suffering from another weekend hangover.
Went for the long awaited company chalet and bbq on sat.. my god, I cant believed I just used the word ‘long awaited’! cos I was really dreading about going when I first joined the company, cos I dunno many people at all! Which is why I’m damn glad that the ‘committee’ has found our own bonding with one another and we were actually having loads of fun stuffing ourselves silly with food and crappy jokes. We even planned in advance our KTV session after the chalet. Its kinda boring to stay with those married ones anyway, they were playing MJ and chor dai dee… not that there’s anything wrong with it but we prefer something more relazing though. Lamie even stunt a few cans of beer to the KTV… after having like 5 or 6. He really can drink man cos he drove us to the KTV without any hitch.


2 other guys came along, other than the usual 5 of us (that’s me, rene, jimy, lamie and nat jie). Andy, whom we dunno very well until the BBQ night, can really sing v well, were shocked to hear him sing ‘童话’… it really sounded like original! The other guy, ‘Jack-in-da-box’ is actually quite an irritating guy. He will talk without thinking, shooting off comments that irritate Rene a lot. Haha… its kind of funny cos it reminded me of an ex colleague ;p. Our main concern is.. Jack is trying to get involve with us from now onwards, today’s lunch he has been asking us how come we didn’t wait for him. Gave us all cold sweat man! Those who are reading this might think we are very mean, but the truth is, lunch is for relaxing right? Prefer not to force ourselves to entertain people we can’t click with..

Ok Ok, back to the KTV ,we went to the Partyworld at Shenton Way. Hey people, if any of you feel cold there, don’t hesitate to ask the waiter for a jacket. Im not kidding! They provide that service too! Cool huh! Surprised that lamie actually sang like 郑仲基! We were really evil, cos we kept teasing him abt his nasal sound.. but mux admit he does know how to sing a lot of songs and he aint shy about it. I also dunno how it happened , me and lamie became the jukebox, and we had to sing songs dedicated by the rest.. I didn’t hv a chance to dedicate my fav songs to sing at all. Happiest thing is we went for supper, yeh! Stayed till 3 plus.. and by the time I reached home at 4 plus. Am totally KNOCKED OUT.

Slept for about 4 hours & went church as usual on Sunday, and cool! We had a water baptism session after that at East Coast Park. I went along, bought a bouquet for one of the sisters that went for water baptism. Can really see the exuberant joy radiating from her face. Head to Millenium Walk’s Outback for dinner, had a quick one though, cos I was practically stuffing the food into my mouth and my brain reminded me to chew before I swallow. Haha.. too stoned by the hot sun @ ECP and the late night before I guess ;p

No time to download photos yet, but will do it soon. :)
Saturday, April 09, 2005
small talk
went to harry's @ holland v yest.. had a good time chilling out & poking fun at the live music - the singer sucks and she looks like an oversized bohemian wannabe (not that i hv anything against size!).. took v long breaks and sings without her soul! Maybe not much people pay attention to her singing every weekend. but even if there's only one true listener in the audience, she should still give her best? haa... the feminist within me is speaking again. ;p

i guess its not the partying nor the music, nor the glass of toxic that you are pouring into your system... you dont hv to be with big crowd, shouting crappy jokes at the top of your voices. all these, seemed just like yesterday. Lately, i enjoy having simple pleasures. simple yet meaningful conversations, brushes with people that leave footprints in each other's life. Simple exchange that touches the heart. i am not sure if im just the minority few who feels this way. sometimes i know im wayward. im not asking for anything more than these.

paraphrased from Morries 'the people today seemed to be listening but without understanding. when they are with you, they dont give you 100% concentration, their minds are wondering elsewhere to the things that seemed urgent, but aint important. their eyes are set on you, but you can see a hollowness there. the best gift we can give someone, is our attention and focus'.

cant help but agree with the above perception. the basic respect of communication is valuable to me. how many times hv i met shifting eyes, drifting minds, patronising speech... save me from those pls.

if you are not interested, neither am i. :)
Friday, April 08, 2005
08 April 2005


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somethin abt the picture captivates me. Is it an angel leaving the pearly gates or entering it?

when we are standing at the door, we always hv the delimma to stay within our comfort zone;

or we will bravely walk out and close the door behind us?



Monday, April 04, 2005
anOther day in the office

the coolest thing abt department lunch is...

you can talk crap cos the big boss will be entertained by the dept head.. and we can all just enjoy eating & drinking and be merry.

you can pretend to be on very good terms with your new colleagues, and laughed as if you are long time friends, dont hv to talk shOp, just talk crap..

you can go damn expensive restaurants, and pigged out, i.e. check out Shima Tepanyaki rest at Goodwood park as illustrated.

the coolest coolest thing... there's FREE lunch after all~

p/s: am totally stuffed out after the forcing myself to eat the yummy durian puffs that the hotel's bakery is famous for when we are back in office! If this goes on, i will need to go on a diet very very sOon...


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