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its Just me & my thOughts.. walking Side by side.. on the Sandy beach.

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SeEking my Polaris

Tuesday, May 31, 2005
U win some, U lose some...

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Parents going on a 5 day trip to HK.
Guys… I will be home alone starting tomorrow.
[I hope no bad guys are reading this, cos im really not free to set traps for you to fall in]
kk, corny jokes aside.

I think Im gonna miss them badly… realized am still very much a mummy’s gal at heart.
offered to send them to the airport tomorrow morning but dad flatly refused as he doesn’t want me to be caught in the jam on my way back for work. Thats so him, always putting our interests first. That day, mum managed to dig out 2 Mothers day cards that I sent to her all the way from aussie while I was doing my studies there. Im surprised! There wasn’t any speck of dust on it.. and I laughed when I saw my awful Chinese handwriting.. plus some han yu pin yin [for the characters th I dunno how to write] haha~ The content of the cards is pretty much blabbering about how home sick I was and how I hv learnt to take care of myself living by myself etc.. [background music: the 'All by Myself' crap]

sheesh.. those were the carefree days. I hv somewhat change as a person now, less individualistic maybe, but nonetheless, still as childish & unreasonable in some aspects. If I had a chance to relive those 2 years abroad now, im really not so sure if I can make it. I seemed to hv some sharp edges being rubbed away by God. The obstinate nature has soften. You gain some, you lose some.. And now I do see things in different perspectives.

I’m preparing myself to lead a more independent life again. Seriously thinking about going for expeditions and also venturing into things that are rewarding for my inner-being. I dare not claim that I hv been through many trials in life, but I guess its experiences have made me a stronger person. By god’s grace.

lousy new template
sheeSh~ my new template doesnt suppOrt chinese characters..
i guess its time to change, AGAIN~ :(((

anywayz.. in case you didnt know, my housing estate has been undergoing major face lifting since last year.. & work is still very much in progress!
Nice jolin song - 天空

Monday, May 30, 2005
job scope
My hopes are ignited
My job will be more fulfilling
Im asked to head & develop the Asia Pacific Website
Thats my main task for the next 3 months.
And Im suppOsed to plan for FY2006 marketing activities and plans
Quarterly reporting will be done to the management
Thats a run of mill though

im rated 'Very Good'.. haaa...
Im elated!

I dun think I will be quitting my job :)
wine tastin tips
Countless company dinners, party invites & what hv you... if you hv ran out of topics to 'hala' w the management or just to impressive the gal/guy nx to you. Here are some wine tasting tips that i find particularly useful n EASY to get the hang of. At least its in layman terms n not bombarded w all the french terms that gives me a headache.. wad 'Chateau' shite that twinkie used to sprout...

*crOssing fingers* boss say will be doing my review w me later.. ya.. the big C word. [confirmation la! u think wad?]
hope it wun be too draggy.. all my hopes of increment are dashed when another colleague who went through it say that salary are freezed since last yr. But anyways, im not asking for increment la, they hv offered me my expected pay 3 months ago anyway.. [how time flies!]
just hope that boss can help me to improve my job fulfillment. ya... i need to be kept more busy so i hv lesser time to blog. haa~ ;p
Saturday, May 28, 2005
what do u do if someone misunderstood you?
and u dunno where to start explaining cos u cant comprehend
why wld that person misunderstood your intentions in the very first place
and u feel kinda disappointed
after all that you hv been through w the person
that you realise the person sees you in such a bad light
is there anything worth explaining afterall?
im helpless of the situation
Friday, May 27, 2005
nokia 770....

Ohh..... if only i cld get my niffy fingers on one of these..... Nokia 770 PDA! I would die w no regrets.

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life thots
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i wanna do something different in life... some of them includes:

seeking out a golden tortise so that i can be a rich taitai n retire at the age of 30.

- i must qualify that this has never ever cross my mind until now. prob im really tired w life.

going for an expedition trip that might include voluntary work

going for a trip alone, or w strangers who can be found at yahoo travel forum.

quit my job without a job

quit my job w a new job that is more flexible in hours but w lesser pay

break up w my bf and lead a singlehood life..

if you would excuse me pls, these are serious life changing decisions that i need to make.

im out.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
unhappy blog

i dunno what got into me..

too much sun. too little time by myself. somehow i shrivelled.

how could laughter turned into tears. blatantly.

this shld be a happy blog. but it isnt.

enjoy :)

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Picture speaks a thousand words...

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Friday, May 20, 2005

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life's great isn't it..?

* starwars was fantastic

* haagen dazz ice cream on a lazy fri tea break

* chocolate truffle from coffee club looks n taste good

* that beer over looking the sea..

i asked for nothing more.. only that you will stay by my side :)

the entire blogsphere is about Episode III now.. or dare i may say, the entire cyberspace is raving about it.
I watched mine yest.. keke.. happy~
Zooming down AYE like there is no tomorrow to rush for my 7pm show.
WAIT..wait.. wad do i mean Zoom?? its at snail paced lor!
cos its rainy and the entire not-so-expressway was friggingly packed back to back w car owners fighting their way home to a warm shower.
but damn it.. i was fighting for life to catch Not a glimpse short of my movie.
those inconsiderate shite dun friggin care.. i ended up half an hour late.
Princess Leia and Anekin was half an hour late.
(ya! wanted to dress up as them, but no time to waste! so we just put paper bags over our face and write our character names on it)
hahahahaa.... dun be crazy la.

so sad.... so sad.... i felt so depressed watching evil triumphs over anekin
i felt sorrow when anekin had to take it on with his master obi-wan and he got burnt so badly..
its just human- freakingly- sadistically sad. when your love one turn against you.
your heart is bleeding already and you hv to deal with the person in the name of justice and righteousness.
its reminds me of 'Kingdom of heaven' when Orlando bloom said
[ The Kingdom of heaven is here (pointing to his mind), and here (pointing to his heart).. ]
its not about wars, territories gained, lifes wasted...
and i nearly teared to see anekin burning.. until my dear frn nudge me.
just when my emotions were almost ready to be set free!
maybe he wants more popcorn.. maybe the fat A** beside him was breathing too hard down his neck..
THAT, totally spoil the mood.

ok, let's just say the steamboat buffet after the show made up for it.
i forgave you.


So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you will wait for me
Hold me like you will never let me go
Because Im leaving on a jet plane
Dont know when I will be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Wednesday, May 18, 2005
the atmosphere between us seemed to be floating on something high
the petty quarrels happen as usual.. but everytime the patch up seemed sweeter
theres an air of acceptance of being who we are, i mean, who we Truly are
sparing each other another thought before we lose another ounce of anger
maybe its the too little time we share;
or the too many hicuups we hv been through
it made us realised that pride is nothing
i refused to take you for granted
if i could hv given anything to re-live these 2 weeks
i just might.
This month seemed to need to eat grass... I need sponsors.

Gonna chipped in to pay for parents HK trip in June. That’s almost $400. Plus my Bali trip which I spent close to $300. Plus new specs n contact lens which amounts to $350. Then, the usual affairs of birthdays.. treats.. cabfare.. church and what have you. Spent $19 on just lunch todae cos went to new restaurant at West Mall. Oh dear... broke liao la.
No wonder XiaXue goes around asking pple to donate $1 each to her...

But thankfully... I dont believe in ill-treating myself or the people around me. If I need to spend or feel like spending will still spend, cannot bring $$$ into coffin also right? Im actually happy to be able to pay for Parents trip, it means im financially independent enough to care for their needs now. And I havent been to a trip for sometime, so Bali was a timely break, at least take SQ to n fro also shiok mah. Can watch in-flight movies...& eat airline food (I love the bread!) hahah.. so cheapo! And the optical thing can be claimed from companys flexi plan.. and the lunch todae actually was quite good and enjoyable.. oh! and i watched Coach Carter for free.. and the complimentary tics to Starwars made my day! wah.. looking at things from another perspective really helps man. Its not so much about what have i gained and what have i lost.. The bottom line is, Im thankful to what I have got :)
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
A gift fell into my lap again today...!

[shannen, do you want starwars preview tickets? I hv 2 complimentary ones]

-OMG! are you kidding me???? its StarWars we are talking about HERE.
STARWARS LEH! Do I want? I would beg, borrow and steal it if there is a need to!!

[of cos i want!! its Starwars!!!....] was my immediate reaction.. my demureness almost cant contained my excitement!

cant wiped the smile off my face as my eyes were big and bright looking at the HR manager who was about to pass me the tickets.
I know I must hv appeared kinda silly & goofy.. like a big gal going gaga over some silly idols.
but heck!!! I WANT THOSE TICS!!

And guess what?!
the tickets came complete with FREE popcorn combo voucher (x2) some more leh...
my tears almost rolled down my cheeks.

hahahaa... drama mama but why hide my joy n act cool?
you dun get paid for it.
k... going over to give her a BIG hug & kiss now.. :)))

Monday, May 16, 2005

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argh... why my forehead got 3 fierce-looking pimples?but am glad that my fringe are long enough to cover.. so i pray to God that if nx time wanna hv pimples pls let them grow on my forehead.

[ excuse me, God cares about every little thing about me one ok]
and i also sense that im PMS-ing. the mood swing thingy.. is pretty obvious.
luckily, or well.. i dunno what i ate right. but the swings this month are towards the positive ones.

Positive swings = loving, understanding, humour is intact.. and possible feeling high at times over nothing. i acted so forgiving that i cant believe myself. so frns, if you owe me money and dun hv enough to pay up; or you hv been gossiping about me; or you did something really awful.. this is THE time to tell me.
i will give you a hug and say, hey its ok.

Negative swings = bad tempered. short tempered. quick tempered. get it? ;p
if you sense the negative swings, dun tell me anything at all. im not friggin interested. period.
dun try to understand me or the things i said,
just tell me everything will be alright and you still love me despite the monster within me.

EVERY NIGHT, i'm having awful cravings for heineken beer
(dun ask me why heineken, i just bought 3 bottles at the airport and it is still stashed in my fridge's side door) n my Baileys. I mean EVERY NIGHT.. and sometimes a smoke.
every night when i was about to hv dinner, or when im in my room.. i wish i cld take a sip of the heiny. but i havent satisfy those cravings yet, especially the last one.
I also dunno waiting for what.
Friday, May 13, 2005
wonderful beaches...

and... how cld i leave out these fabulous pic from bali.. haa~ my pride n baby which i painstakingly resized n cropped. hmm.. actually not v difficult to do la. wld i go back bali again? i guess the answer is no. it has become so much of a tourist attraction that it has lost its simplicity and natural beauty that one just want to soak in. in fact over there, you will be busy avoiding those locals who prey upon you as if you are a walking $ sign. but its their livelihood i guess, so be it.

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The david backlog

Ta demm.... the long awaited... David's tao's mini concert pictures. damn i was standing quite a distance.. and i couldnt get a very good shot. but, nonetheless these are good enuff to bring back pretty good memories. he sang abt 5 songs i think.. and we were being shown 2 MTVs (friend say: i can stay home and watch SCV wad... lol~ ) then comes the silly games, so silly that its not worth mentioning here.. haha.. no la, seriously, i forgot what were those games about. Good thing was, there was a guy that sang.. '爱很简单' ... even though he was asked to sing david's new song. but he shall be forgiven cos he sang that really well. Zhou Chong Qing's crappiness also made up for most of the 'ES' (courtesy of Jaz Soo.. ES = Embarrasing Silence) moments. i laugh till pengs at some of his sarcasm. like how he ask 'Wild' to come up stage to carry the lucky draw box. 'Wild was the guest appearance b4 david tao, 4 angmoh ladies who looks damn hot playin their instruments'. Chong Qing mux hv mistaken them for those 'MotorShow Gals'.

After that it was... the usual everybody singing along w david. Yes, you guessed it, '爱很简单' AGAIN. and then the lights were up and we all went home, unsatisfied. We went off to mugged the 3 lucky winners of the latest ericssion handphones! But too bad... they were nowhere to be found. sheeSh~

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The Bali Sequel
More scenes of the bali beaches....

Thursday, May 12, 2005
Have I start to become softer?
Yesterday I had a vicious argument w angel.
Vicious because its been sometime that someone made me feel like walking away from the scene. The last time I felt this way, I ran out from the cab all the way home.
We were sitting at coffee bean when the confrontation starts,
I gave my piece as he just sat slumped into the cushion sofa
His face is one of defiant.
Folding my arms I refused to talk anymore
I challenge him with a cold stare
Cold till I could feel the chill in my own spine
Reminds me of those old England times when the knight mounts proudly on their horses
Both holding a spear and shield in their arms
Both with full amour gear
Both faces were concealed by the full-faced head gear

ok, i digressed.
Of cos we were not wearing any of those silly shit
But at that moment
I couldn’t see what is he thinking
He didn’t want to comment and he didn’t want to apologised
He just said he acknowledge whatever that I hv shared
I couldnt see how he could shared whatever i had confided in him with another
and it has caused some misunderstanding to other parties
if i want to be open about how i felt about the incident
i could jolly well tell the other party
i dont need a messenger who does a poor job in relaying my thoughts
and now there are a huge mess to be cleared

I was soooo crossed.. I could see fumes raising out of where I sat
I had the urge to just grab my bag and go
To walk away from the battle scene
That was what I would hv done last time
Now, I choose to sit there, to wait for an open talk that never comes
When the silence was finally too hard to bear
He motioned for us to leave ‘Let’s go, I will send you home’
I took a last sip of the sunrise ice blended
It tasted awful in my mouth
The milky lump it formed in my throat seemed hard to swallow
I left for home not wanting to remember anything of that night
PREVIEW: Half of my bali photos~


Tuesday, May 10, 2005

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my dears... :)

Monday, May 09, 2005

feels kinda convoluted.. life seemed strange at times.
do we hv spaces of our life that is like a blackhole?
you seemed to be doing nothing much,
thinking of nothing much
you just continue to breathe and go through the motions
you felt like a wound up spring
and suddenly you asked youself
when will this ever end?
i wish i could say that im hybernating
but i dunno how can i get a good sleep
contemplating whether to take leave to sleep
then i feel so silly
who on earth takes leave to sleep?
unless you are super duper hyper active celeb or being
totally drained by a packed schedule
no one takes leave to sleep while hybernating
im like a pendulum hanging on a thin thread
swaying left to right, right to left
just swaying... and not really going anywhere
some day, it will be full circle again

note: i hv decided to hybernate for a while

This is not about the bali trip
MUSIC: 今夜星光多美好, 适合用寂寞去平调, 我要的爱多少你不必知道...
(actually i forgot the title already but this is a nice song..)

Finally bought my fav liquor fr DFS, Bailey's Irish Cream. Very very happy about that purchase. Maybe i will yak about my bali trip later.. after i upload all my photos from the digicam, maybe i will not. it all depends on how i feel like after i load those pictures. definitely got interesting to to tell.. but.. later. Very Stoned feeling... you can throw a hundred bricks at me now and i wont move an inch.. because i hv lost my ability to react.

*Remarks: u can skip this part if you want to, got it in my junk emails this morn.

Chestnut Tree (Honesty)
> >>Of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice,
fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily,
sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior,
feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love,
physically fit. A Good friend. [This is almost 70% accurate about me]

Age-related Stats

Enter Date of Birth


Day you were born

Days lived

Months lived

27 years, 5 months, 19 days
Exact age as at 09/05/05

Time alive (Press & Hold F9 button)

Hours lived

Minutes lived

Seconds lived

Approx hours slept

Days sleeping

% of life asleep

Years asleep

Approx number of heart beats

Zodiac Sign

Robert F. Kennedy, Bo Derek
Share Birthday with

Desired Retirement Age

Years to Retirement

Retirement Date

Days to Retirement

Approx number of workdays

Enter Marriage Date
Not Married

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Another departmental lunch~

should have kept my hands off the baked cheese scallop yest..

and the baked cheese spaghetti.. and the cheesy whatever..

[ i kept thinkin... another piece wont kill me,

ya, another piece wont kill, but look at me now..

its killing me!]

How was i to know that its gonna rain cats n dogs today?

How was i to know the coupled effect would make my misery a hell lot worst.

[ok, actually i know.. but the rain thing is really not within my control, isnt it?]

will i start to feel better if i think this way? my migraine i mean..

cos its like killing me. and theres little i cant do about it.. darn.

I love baked cheese stuff… but it will activate my migraine

I love rainy daes… but it will give me hell of a migraine before it starts pouring

Darn.. what a paradox.. or is it an oxymoron? Whatever…

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Tuesday, May 03, 2005
complain queens
There’s a fascination recently in my groupies over complaint letters and getting the ‘rightful’ customer service / compensation that we all cash-rich consumers freakingly deserved.
yeah rite.

Case 1
L made an advance call for a cab.. those that charged at $5.20 extra type. The cabby was late.. and didn’t offer any explanation. No calls were made to my frn to inform her as well.. so she stood outside her very ulu office building at 10pm at night and waited for the advance cab all by herself. She paid for the fare plus the additional charges duly but little does the poor cabby know that he is going to get it from her. She emailed a complaint letter to the renowned cab company the next day.. citing how dangerous was it for her to stand all alone waiting for an advance cab that was late! She finds it absolutely unacceptable that an advance booking was late and she wasn’t even informed. She got a $50 cab voucher in return.

Case 2
The same friend, L… made a call to M# and demanded to be treated like how a loyal customer shld be treated. She wants a hand phone voucher before she decides to extend any contract with the company. The call was futile. So, L happily swayed her backside and made her way down to M# shop. Created a little scene and the manager was brought to her.. she demand this and that, this and that.. finally.. a brand new Nokia phone (the clam shell type w rotating screen one) worth $600 plus was given to her at a whopping good price of $150! She was pleased. And she told the counter staff that he should hv brought the case to the manager earlier, instead of wasting her time. Haha~ wicked!

Case 3
G bought spectacles at S* Hut.. and came back with a chipped glass.. she happily wore it for 1 month then realized she could stand it no longer.. she went back to the shop and was given a black face with the lousy excuse ‘its been 1 mth and we dunno if you actually caused the chipped yrself’ was the pathetic answer. An email was shoot to the HQ.. and the manager offered a 1 for 1 exchange w no questions asked. And the manager guaranteed no ‘blacked-face’ staff for G’s exchange visit.

Case 4
Found a small fly in the scallop and celery dish at T* L* group of restaurant on Sunday night. Called the manager over and she apologized.. offered to waive the service charge. But it wasn’t enough for us.. I heard someone’s gonna submit a complaint letter.. with pictures attached. Ya.. just her luck that we brought a digicam along that day. Just wondering… would L be free to draft the letter for us? LOL~

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this picture reminds me of the runaway scene in those MTVs... lol~ Very 'BlairWitch-type' piece of work..

i think... im feeling better. i can almost smell Bali....

Monday, May 02, 2005
foul mood

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feelings n emotions truly come and go like the passing breezes.. it often felt like a chasing after the wind.. i wished, that time will stop now. but the fact remained that the secondhand goes on ticking.. and we continue to breathe inorder for oxygen to replace the carbon dioxide in our system, i can only hold my breath for no more than 3 mins, and it already felt like eternity. the fact remains that you will not be by my side for long. the reality has come crushing down too soon. i know.. i may be thinking too much.. but when i feel that i cant hv a solid feel of you.. i feel like letting in all sink. what's so bad about letting it all sink in? i feel like nothing.

all the people out there enjoying this labour day holiday, the suntanning and chilling out at coffee places, the way those families & couples swarmed to shopping malls and eateries, movie theatres, bookstores, or playing mahjong, couching up like a potato in front of the tv. can you all stop acting so happy? i cant stand it.

Sometimes I forgot what was it like to live in my waywardness.. the extreme depression that is able to suck me in too easily. It came crushing on me like a thousand waves. I don’t want any such experience of not knowing what I have done previous weekends.. days.. hours.. the feeling of time collapsing into a multitude of dark horizon.. One that gives me the illusion in which I am very much in existent throughout these times, or none at all.

Do not let your happiness depend on something you may lose... only [upon] the Beloved who will never pass away.

-- C. S. Lewis


The Pendulum has indeed swung too high.
I'm getting dazed and dizzy. i wished all these would stop.

I'm good at being alone but i dont like it.

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