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its Just me & my thOughts.. walking Side by side.. on the Sandy beach.

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SeEking my Polaris

Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Back to work.
Wow.. the eyes really need sometime to adjust and adapt.
All the office lights seemed so dazzling now. I have good news.. but I wasn’t around last week to personally receive it during the monthly award presentation. I got the exceptional support award and it came as a surprised! When the director passed the award to me today, its was $300 voucher [of my choice]. Yah, I know it isn’t much but I was still touched. Firstly, I made a boo boo at work recently, and also this director wasn’t my direct boss.. but I guess he pushed for me cos I worked closely with him this month. My GM boss is generally ok with my performance I guess, but he is too busy to look after the details. Happy :)

With this $300 + the $100 that I received for participating in ISO audit.. hmm… am starting to think about the next gadget that I will bagged… another handphone or PDA?

Anyhow, the sink’s water pipe burst at blardy 5am.. and I was the one who discovered it as I was having dry eyes and woke up to put eye drops as usual. I heard raining sound in my house. Immediately got out of bed to investigate.. wah, it was indeed raining in the bathroom. I used a towel to wrap around the hole before alerting my dad who was sleeping soundly. SuperDad gathered his tools and changed the damaged section instantly & effortlessly.

Oh man.. I always have respect for a man who is able to handle a plumbing job!

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Sunday, January 28, 2007
Content
Just finished reading a thick book. played computer games with my niece.
Had dinner with my family yesterday, it was the first time i ventured out at night after LASIK.
OMG.. i'm so overwhelmed by the halos, and starbursts and glare. Need time to adjust.
Am I recovering well? I would say daytime 80%, nighttime 60%.

Took the day off from church to rest. reluctantly.
Without God in my life, i'm nothing.
Without faith, probably i'm just another floating human being around. :)
Did some reflections over these few days, and yes,
it is high time i step on the gear again. Enough of chasing after wind.
I'm tired.

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Saturday, January 27, 2007
LASIK Day 3
Growing to love my new eyes. vision gettin better.. yes.
but the right eye stil abit pain. left eye stil hazy. guess what i can do now is rest.

Damn moodswings striked.. guess thats why my menses came today.
ya, i only felt a little cramp, the chinese medicine seemed to be effective :)
my family was superb, they accompany me to play mahjong as i was super bored.
won about $30. but cant play for very long as my eyes gets tired easily. and i read abit,
watch abit of tv, read abit of papers.. put lotsa eyedrops and its back to my bed to rest again.
i dont think i wanna go out cos of the unbalanced vision. its like wearing contact lens in one eye only.. will get out when im mOre ready. i kinda like the new boy band 飞轮海, their songs quite nice & catchy. watched blood diamond on dvd again.. haha. IM SO BORED. I so wanna watch SHE concert @ indoor stadium.. but i guess i'm so grounded ya. Another 2 more days, i know i will get betta.

& cant seemed to find you these days.. where have you been? still, thanks for everything, i guess will i be fine. and ya.. take care man, like you always say.

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Friday, January 26, 2007
LASIK Surgery done
thursday 25th..
Lasik Surgery Clinic
330pm

As i was seated outside in the operating theatre.. all dressed up in the green gown.
awaiting for the surgeon to be available. i was in a mess of nerves. but frankly, the long
wait did help to calm me down. i waited like about 1 hour and 30 mins? while i was asked to rest my eye.. and the wait turned into a mild cough.. i was getting all nervous that what i discussed earlier with Soo might come true! i hurriedly asked for a cup of warm water to soothe my throat n sucked on a sweet. More waiting..

out of a sudden, the nurse called me name. i was quicky ushered into the operating room.. it was cramped with lotsa equipments.. Dr Tay was there with 2 nurses. I was asked to sit on a chair & subsequently be put to lied down.. and being put under a microscopic looked alike machine, i could sense the Doc the adjusting my eyes to be under tha laser. Frankly i was all squashy and nervous then. the mask made my breathing more n more difficult. Doc asked how am i feeling? and told me step by step the things he will be doing to me. [ok, at least i dont feel like a pig waiting to be slaughted]

he plastered my eye lashes up and a piece of plastic to cover my entire face except the eye to be operated on. a clipper was used to forced open my lids, and adjusted to the width he desired. a suction was then placed over my eyeballs.. and all went black. after that i could feel all the liquid.. and saw my own cornea being cut into a flap~ gOsh. i breathe harder. Doc asked me to focus on the red blinking light.. no, there werent other lights to confuse me. so i focus n began to chant under my breath 'God.. be with me ok'. it sorta helped me get through and the laser part was over. The sound is pretty loud & yes, there is definitely a burning smell.
Soon after the doc was closing my flap back.. and see lotsa liquid again.. then he use a small sponge attached to a stick, to wipe my cornea evenly, making sure there are no creases, bubbles or unevenness. I thought the worst was over, until he said, 'ok good, now the other eye.'
i gestured a stop sign and told him literally that 'Doc, i cant breath!' hahahhahaa.
The doc immediately asked the nurse to cut a hole in my mask..
and he asked whether that was ok, i told him ya. much much better.

the second eye didnt go as well.. i could see him cut open the cornea flap, and then.. i think the cut wasnt an ideal one. he used the sponge to put it back again. requested for more wetness.. and then he flipped it opened again. Die liao la... so the laser part came and go.. this time i was able to focus better though i'm in a dazed by the trauma. After he put me back into the normal position.. he examined my eyes and said they are ok. he told me that he had put contact lens in my eyes and will remove them the very next day. see! i knew something wasnt quite right! was quite taken aback by the entire surgery.. hmm.. i feel that, i went through life n death. yes, it was that bad. cos my eyes seemed to just be another object and not part of my body, i was utterly under the mercy of the surgeon.

nonetheless i went outside n waited for nurese to undress me and put eyedrops. plastic shields were put across my eyes. i felt like 'The Fly'. while outside, my eyes start to sting and i realised they forgot to give me the additional box of refresh eyedrops that i had bought. so i enquired with nurse. despite my uncomfy & pain, the nurses were still checking with one another before reluctantly passing me a box. i was very cheesed off and said sternly.. 'Do you want top open my bag to check?' they immediately stopped their saga and apologised for the miscommunication. i stormed out.. in pain.

while waiting for cab, the right eye was tearing.. tearing.. tearing.. pain shot through. i couldnt open my eyes at all and it was v glaring all around. on the cab i could only cover both my eyes over the eye shield. it was quite tormenting. luckily A was with me and took care of everything. after we reached home about 6pm, i ate pandan cake & yakitori [yes, i was very hungry], popped the sleeping pill went to sleep.
Note: draw all curtains, put eye mask over shield & sleep is the best resort!

when i woke up in the night, the stinging pain & tearing was gone.
i knew the worst was over.
and these few days i will just concentrae on getting well and resting my eyes!

+++

26th, friday...

OMG! i woke up and vision was quite alright. though my right eye's[the naughty one] was much better than the left. washed up using the wipes for my eyes.. and went for my review. It was a short wait, the doc was v well-dressed in his shirt and pants, of course, he had to look his part ya. He looked at my eyes and told me he will be taking out my 'contact lens'. He asked me to look to the right, and he used a metal fine tweezer to gently pry out the lens. wow.. that was pro! i dont feel a thing at all. I enquired about the contact lens, and he said he put lens in 30-40% of his patients to make sure the cornea flap was put back nicely and healed nicely. I was thinkin to myself, ok la, at least he didnt compromise the healing of my flap. I still have about 100 deg left. Everything went well.. and soon i was out of there in 15 mins. The next review will be in 2 weeks time.

I very bravely took a bus back by myself.. the left eye is still blur and the right eye has 90% vision already. Thanks everyone for the concern again.. you made my heart warm though it is indeed a tramatising experience that i choose to go through. I give myself a clap. didnt know 2007 will start with a bang! Now i just have to learn to live with unbalance vision for the time being.. god, pls help me ya. will post pictures when i feel better soon.

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Thursday, January 25, 2007
LASIK DAY

Jitters... thoughts of not going for the ops crossed my mind. thanks to all for all the well wishes and smses.. mayb im feeling anxiety.. nothing dont seemed to calm me down.

yesterday when i met Soo & maid for dinner, they are the last ones to see me in my specs [if all goes well for the ops, that is]. we joked about all sorts of scenarios that will take place in the operating theatre. its like Murphy's law, what can go wrong, will go wrong...what if... i want to sneeze or cough? or if i feel itchy at my back? what if.. the surgeon wanna sneeze? and if i sneeze.. i will surely closed my eyes de, then the laser will flash across my eye lid.. and according to Soo's lasik experience, i will become triple eye lids... like that also can joke leh. TMD. oh then he reminded me not to go for BBQ after the ops.. cos the newly healed cornea might melt!!

hmm.. getting rid of all the unwanted thoughts in my mind.. gearing up to go for ops very soon.
Preparations needed:


  • wash my hair & bathe

  • no lotions on my face [that includes my non-fragrant antioxident]

  • no make up

  • no perfume

  • bring my Rayban

Mum was very sweet to me.. i think she is more worried than I am. God, pls watch over me & the surgeon. Thanks.

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Lunch
Had Pepper lunch today! Yumz.. they are having a $2 off for steak sets, and of cos I went for it! Yummy.. I enjoyed it more than the pepper beef rice set that I had earlier. Keke and there was a kind gentleman who put brown sauce & pepper on my bean sprouts while I was busy pan frying them. I think I had enough of the lunch saga between melon and roti gal. I refused to join in their squabbles & take sides on who should i lunch with. And thanks to the nice finance folks who took me in, the lonely child.. glad I didn’t had to lunch alone afterall :)

My col went into a shop, and tried on some sunglasses, asking for my opinions, after that, she just decide to buy one in like less than 10 mins. omg.. $170 gOne haha. but it was a nice shade, the most in trend of those big, chunky with little diamondtes at the sides.

So an additional resolution this month.. not to bother about ridiculous & incorrigible persons alike. Life goes on. The earth don’t stop moving for you.

我想化成隐型的人。。

+++

oh, & i kinda like this song from Elva..

我站在爱的不远
不在乎守候多辛苦
当你孤单时想起我
那是我最大的幸福...

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Day 8
speCs wearing Day... 8.
really uncomfy and unconvinient..
but many people comment that i look good in this pair of specs.
hey, my taste not bad one ok.

2 more days.. :s then its D ops day. My knees are growing weak.
ya, drama mama i am.

Thursday, where are YOU?

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Met dear Wee2 for belated bday dinner @ 3 monkeys. Its been a long time since I was there. Probably cos it’s a Monday, the only patrons were the expats and us. And we saw kumar there :o… he/she really is skinny. Had a good time chatting and catching up, and I told her about the things unfolding for 2007. Its gonna be a eventful year of many firsts. Then I prepared 3 qns to ask her, if she can answer correctly, she gets the 2 presents + 1 card. Haha.. it was fun. We ate so much that im feeling all bloated, but still gobble down the baked mussels. I wasn’t tired at all even though I had to walk quite far to my bus stop [I dunno why, I lost my way in orchard?!]

Terrible night though, as I clutched my chest in pain. Having heartburns due to the over eating and strained on my stomach when I played on my laptop for too long. ARgh.. bad habits be gOne!

On Sunday I had to see Man U lost to Gunners at the very last minute. I couldn’t sleep after that.. heartbroken. I was so upset you know that they lose 3 pts in such last minutes. But hey.. it just makes the premiership more exciting now huh.

Due to the 2 nights in a row that I didn’t have good sleep, I’m so depressed. I stuffed myself with Mos burger hotdog n butterfly prawns for lunch today. Yum.

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Saturday, January 20, 2007
LASIK Evaluation tests




Dilated pupils.
Still dilated after 16 hours! I think my eye muscles are so freaking weak. I can only type this in very big fonts, and then transfer to my blog.

LASIK Evaluation Tests:

I rushed down to LASIK surgery Clinic @ Paragon Medical Floor, and was 10 mins late. Typical. The nurses were very friendly, trendy & PRETTY, most of them has LASIK done and were life testimonials of the results. After filling in the ‘Personal details & How did you get to know us survey’, I was given a form to read about the effects of dilation eye drops. Soon, I was ushered to another reception area where there were already a few people waiting for their tests. I was already prepared for the long wait. Hmm.. surprisingly time passes really fast, I didn’t find the 2.5 hours spend there long at all, probably I was kept really busy there and the wait in between tests was kept to a minimum.

The first test that I did was the standard one you do at optician. You rest your chin and stare onto a spot in the machine, and they will automatically bring the object to focus and take your degrees.

The second test was to stare at a blinking red light, & the machine will blow puffs of air into your eyes. You cannot blink cos its important to know whether your cornea can take the air pressure. The nurse was nice. She allowed me to close my eyes first and test the pressure on my lids so I would know what to expect. Still I got a slight shocked when the air puff into my cornea and I had to retake.. keke

Thereafter my specs was taken to test its degree and astig.

Went out to wait.. and they called my name again to do a 3rd test on the thickness of my cornea. Its another chin-rest machine, and you have to stare at a red light… not blinking for 5 seconds; one eye at a time. There will be a bright yellow light flashing across your eyes.. to take the measurement of your cornea. Its kinda cool.

The 4th one was the typical optician tests where you sit on the high chair and read letters/numbers off a projector screen. The lady was nice and commented that my specs was very nice.. keke. I made small talk with her and the test passed pretty fast. The degree she took was the same as my specs. Which is good, it means my degree has stablised.

Back to the waiting area.. and I was finally being put the dilating eye drops.. sobz. My eyes felt numbed at first.. there after got used to it. I was ushered to a room, where I was being shown a video on lasik, the procedures, possible side effects, etc. my pupils are getting dilated very fast.. I guess I have weak eye muscles. The effect was that I cant read anything [its like long-sighted effect]! Afterwhich, a pretty nurse, Ava, sat me down and briefed me about LASIK.. the after care procedures etc. I bombed her some questions, and she was able to answer professionally. Finally, I made payment for the evaluation tests, it came up to $105. One of the cheapest in town. Then Ava asked if I would like to book my surgery & review dates. So well, I will be going for LASIK on 25th Jan, Thursday. I figured that I will take 2 days MC, and have good rest during the weekends. Good planning right!

Oh, then that’s not the end. I had to do another optician chart test again, to test if after dilations, the degrees n astig remain the same. yes, it was ok. Then, I went back to the waiting area, quite soon after I was being called to see the senior surgeon, Dr Marc Tay. He was nice and friendly, he did a couple quick eye test again.. with very glaring lights of a machine :s my eyes was really uncomfy. But the best thing that came from his lips were, ‘You are very suitable for LASIK, no eye disease or any other complications. So I shoot him all the questions that I was dying to ask, comparing TTSH v LSC, the laser technology of LSC, aftercare of LASIK surgery etc.. hehe.. he say, wah, I am well-informed in my research. The main gist of his answers were, its like comparing a BMW to a Merz..

For wavefront verses standard LASIK – It depends if you are looking for nano perfections in the results.

Ok ok, im getting to the end. Phew. After thanking the doctor, I was being ushered to payment counter and surgery fees were explained to me. Paid a deposit of $210. and ya, see me next Thursday there!

P/s: the aftereffects of dilation: went for dinner and I cant read food menus, went for a drink and I cant read drink menus, went for a show and luckily I can read the subtitles cos its far away! But it was very straining on my eyes as it’s a spanish flim –Pan’ Laybrinth and I have to read the subtitles throughout. Thanks for your company though I wasn’t a good one yesterday.

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Thursday, January 18, 2007
1st Mistake in 2007

BIG sigh..
I made a mistake in the printing of a marketing collateral. Im so glad it wasn’t the logo that’s wrong, but just a small tagline which I insisted on including, serve me right I supposed. To justify myself, I can say its just a marginal mistake. But wrong means wrong right? I kick myself in the foot and the heart sure doesn’t feel good. Maybe its high time to really buckle up my seat belt in my work.

And well.. I went into the director’s room, and I told him frankly, I’m sorry I made a mistake in the printing of bla bla bla.. pointing to the item. He say ‘where?.’ Afterwhich he just give me an assuring smile and say, ‘No problem, it’s a small mistake’. Though hundreds & thousands of them are printed… he say no problem. I almost wanted to hug him there and then.

*heart still doesnt feel gOod*


P/S: the picture is of total irrelavance.. but just thought the owner is very creative. I also wanna be creative in my workplace.

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Yes, you, stop.
Today Melon and Roti gal quarrel again. And ya, im so stucked in the middle.
Melon refused to go lunch when Roti gal is around, and that leaves me, to entertain Roti gal’s complains alone. Frankly, to me, everyone has their shortcomings. I accept most people’s attitudes, bad habits, vices.. to a certain extent. I dunno.. I just hate to be in the middle of this shite. Cant they grow up? We are already like going to be fossils soon.

There is really no point in fighting to win an argument. No, im not a phlegmatic, I just love world peace. Period. I hope I can go home everyday for lunches.. but me is too lazy though its only 20 mins away.

Hmm and wearing specs day no. 2 is getting better. I wore white today to complement my specs. kinda of looking forward to the break i can get from LASIK. Yeah.. i'm feeling the burnout though its only what, like mid Jan?!

Yesterday went to pak pool, had a good scored of 6-3. But I would need to work harder on those center pockets. They constantly fooled me! I love long distance and angle shots. Playing pool is so theurapatic..

Sometimes i wish people can be more sincere in their appraoch, and stop treating others like shite. dont say one thing and mean another.. omg, thats so lame. We are all grown ups.. and let
behave as grown ups.

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007
$
I want to rant about something.
Why is it that when I don’t agree to lend people money I get the cold shoulder treatment?
Why is it that after I lend people’s money, and they don’t pay me back as promised,
I STILL get the cold shoulder treatment. TMD.

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Day 1
A pretty young couple, I would say in their mid 30s. struggled with 4 beautiful kids yesterday at Cartel. The dad is really fierce, even towards his son of not more than 3 years old. He smack hard at his thigh when he fidgeted around at the dinner table. I winced in pain, and the son broke out in soft tears.. a few more episode of similar nature occurred, to different kids of his of course. And I can only secretly confirmed to myself, on my no-kids-policy.

Specs wearing day starts today.
Yesterday had headache whole night and I forced myself to sleep. But, I guess I cant defy and ignore my body. I had to wake up again at 345am, suffering tremendous pain. Three time if not more severe headache.. had to pop panadol extra. And then I realized my mouth is full of ulcers. Then I went back to sleep only to find myself lying with eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. Darn. The medication failed to work on me this time. I struggled stubbornly until 430am, then went to pop another again. And slowly I drifted off to sleep out of tiredness.

Woke up in the morning w the headache gone. But I still stupidly out of habit, go and open my contact lens container and wanted to wash the lens before I realized it is Specky day 1 today. I popped the lens right back into the container.

I hope Day 2 gets better.

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Monday, January 15, 2007
LASIK
I’m contemplating LASIK.. for many moons now.
And after thorough research + interviews with LASIKFIED friends; I finally make up my mind to call the Lasik surgery clinic @ Paragon. Hmm.. don’t want to go hospitals or SNEC,
1. I hate hospitals and their complacency.
2. I don’t like government aided bodies.
3. LSC have pretty nurses who all went through LASIK before.

I will be going for the evaluation test on Friday by Dr Marc Tay. Thereafter, the surgery might be scheduled for next week if all went all. So efficient! Is it they don’t want people to go home and think through and thereafter abort the idea?! But it fits me fine as my mind is already quite made up.. and I hope to do it before the Lunar New Year. Wanna enjoy ma.

So, my blog has a great responsibility. I will be recording down my LASIK experience.. and just to track how long im on the road to better vision again. [dare not use ‘perfect vision’.. cos the higher you expect, the greater disappointment might be the outcome] hOr? Thanks to soo, jimy, joyce for answering my greatest doubts and insecurities I have about LASIK. Hee..
Okie.. wish me luck guys.


19th Jan Evaluation test
25th Jan LASIK Surgery

To be continued…

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Saturday, January 13, 2007
sighz
Linda's baby first month. Time flies.
& went plaza singapura to get winter wear.. He is going to Europe.
& im having a sore throat for having KFC for dinner, and rojak for supper.
argh.. should have resist those temptations. total spending for the day, a whooping $500 for a mere 2 hours. had a good time on yet another relaxing saturday.

today my spirit is a bad one. i guess its really about managing expectations.
I know.. this is something i need to constantly remind myself. is that why i always only open myself to people im comfortable with? people who are inside my circle of trust? i mean, i gotta improve on that. i'm so not perfect.

i hope it rains again tmr. though its merciless, i love the rain nonetheless.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Live it up
I'm sooooo into retail therapy in 2007!

Vivo; Orchard; Marina; Suntec
You see me there on weekdays and weekends alike.
And i have even conquered the suburb shopping malls. sighz..
& not forgetting...

Manicure/Pedicure package: $456
Haircut/treatment:$176

Its only a matter of time that i drained up my flexi benefits with my grooming expenses before March. aRgh.

I think there is a vain me; and a practical, down to earth me. I'm glad i'm balanced :)
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
2006 Learnings

What I have learnt in 2006

Don’t lend friends money, no matter how pathetic they make themselves out to be; no matter if they use emotional blackmailing.

Don’t lend friends money, especially if its to help them repay credit card bills that they chocked up, they will just continue to chock up.

Don’t be an ass to please everyone. Some people don’t deserve anything else other than your cold shoulder.

Remember each kindness and blessings. Repay them if you can.

Forget the hurt inflicted upon you within the shortest time possible.

Sometimes, mediocre-ness is happiness.

Love people. But be detached from disappointment.

Dont learn new make up techniques, it will always almost guarantee to make you VERY late for work.

Treasure people who genuinely cared, treat them like precious gold & silver.

Always Trust God.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Resolute
New year. cough. sorethroat. argh.
But hey i dont feel too under the weather though :)
Still planning programs and enjoying every relaxing day.
Didnt start 3rd Jan working.. i went to eat snake. haha.
Took a day off to do my hair.. spend like 4 hours plus
in the salon and $170 poorer [can claim flexi yeah!]
.. but hey! the results wasnt that fantastic. aRgh.
I always think that Male hairstylists have better flair,
and i was so damn right.

Alrighty, back to 2007 resolutions.
here are what i can think of at the moment.

1. Learn to play the keyboard well.
2. Love the enemies. Forgive people who take me for granted/hurt/disappoint me time and again.
3. Learn Korea?
4. Exercise regularly [like at least once per week?]Also, climb the stairs n do crunches at night.
5. Travel - Korea
6. Another Mission trip?
7. Mentoring someone in church
8. Stay above all circumstances and overcome them. [tOugh]
9. Breakthrough in my work

I dont want a mediocre year... it has to be as exciting, if not MORE so than 2006!
okie dokie.. Let's see how i score at the end of 2007! :)
Life is blissful when i decided to clear up the mess.
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