its Just me & my thOughts.. walking Side by side.. on the Sandy beach.
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SeEking my Polaris
Monday, April 17, 2006
almost here
I’m not sure if I will be going snorkeling this time around when I am at Phuket. Of cos I remember the fascination I had when I first did it at Sibu islands.. now like abit lazy to even change into the swim gear, and get burnt by the sun. Feels lethargic at almost everything.
Everything appears fuzzy and hap hazard. Am now experiencing the aftermath of the 9km [to and fro] tree top walk on sat. Now, both my legs then start to ache like hell! On a Monday work day! Funnily.. last night I couldn’t really sleep.. No, it wasn’t from watching too much ‘The Apprentice’. There is a heart gripping sensation in my chest the whole blardy night. I almost stopped breathing. I drifted in and out of sleep, only to be awaken by the gripping pain. As I drifted off to sleep.. I thought there might be a chance that I will not wake up again. Yes, I dunno why I felt this way yesterday. There are a million things that flashed across my mind. I know there are a lot of shite still left undone in my life. I am struggling between wanting to live and succumbing to the desire of death. Ending it once and for all. It’s so tough. No, I don’t have a tendency of suicide.. It’s just the pain that is paralyzing the left side of my brain – rationality.
If I go back home like a good girl tonight and go to bed straight after dinner. Would everything turned out okay tomorrow? I hope so.
Everything appears fuzzy and hap hazard. Am now experiencing the aftermath of the 9km [to and fro] tree top walk on sat. Now, both my legs then start to ache like hell! On a Monday work day! Funnily.. last night I couldn’t really sleep.. No, it wasn’t from watching too much ‘The Apprentice’. There is a heart gripping sensation in my chest the whole blardy night. I almost stopped breathing. I drifted in and out of sleep, only to be awaken by the gripping pain. As I drifted off to sleep.. I thought there might be a chance that I will not wake up again. Yes, I dunno why I felt this way yesterday. There are a million things that flashed across my mind. I know there are a lot of shite still left undone in my life. I am struggling between wanting to live and succumbing to the desire of death. Ending it once and for all. It’s so tough. No, I don’t have a tendency of suicide.. It’s just the pain that is paralyzing the left side of my brain – rationality.
If I go back home like a good girl tonight and go to bed straight after dinner. Would everything turned out okay tomorrow? I hope so.
You drifted along with SeEking my Polaris... on 4/17/2006 