SeEking my Polaris

oh wow.. the ex ex episode isn’t over yet.
He sms me and asked me out for lunch sometime.
Grrr… I hate that.
Do i really have to patronise him?
I don’t mind meeting with my ex, Cos we still keep in contact once in a while.
Still communicating-friends, and exchange a lot of emails once in while that kind.

The ex ex, we stopped contacting each other for years now! 7? 8?
Maybe even 9.
Just an occasional ‘hi-bye’ kinda sms during festive.
I need to go and face my Ghost.
I know that the me-not-liking-him feeling could
just very well be an one-sided perception.
I will try la okay.

Of course it doesnt mean no friends after the relationship doesn’t work out
But it depends on whether I find him irritating to the core
which in this instance.. i did, for quite a long while. ;p
Or worst still. If I still have feelings for that kinda scenario.
Only i know who this will apply to ok?
I think Hating a person makes me love him lesser
And loving him lesser means I wont miss him that often
And not missing him means I can get over the heartbreak faster.
Yeah~ warped? But it works.

There is a significantly down point in my life now that i need to get over soon
i cant imagine why december is much much worst than november.
it is entirely not what i hv expected.
i feel a transparent flim covering me
those that you use to keep veggie fresh in the fridge
- Glad wrap
- 保鲜纸
Doesnt matter what name you call it.
i look as per normal from the outside, i think
you can even see me smile from a distance
no one can tell the difference.
but im suffocating so much.
sweating all over inside;
breathless n struggling.

you stood outside looking;
you waved.

i want to be alive n kicking;
i want my life.


我真的很想就这样算了

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