SeEking my Polaris

i had the talk on tues..
with someone whom has been in my life for the past 6 years.
its funny. im still agitated. but i feel so mellow yesterday
it was as if i wished the whole thing will be over and done with in a second
im tired.

the newly open TCC at lido provided a warmth ambience in pretense
beautiful backdrop of the drizzle painted the window glass panes.
it all seemed NORMAL.
until we antagonised each other again
we allowed the past hurts in the weeks to resurface
i mean they always say that when theres an action;
there will be a reaction, no?
cool..
when the cafe closed, we decided to call it a night.
there were too much emotions to revisit.
never ending..

im so fucking insecure..
i sms people at 3 plus in the middle of the night
to let them know that im alive
i like to constantly check if i hv fell out of favour with people whom matters to me
i like to play heroine to save damsels in distress
and i feel good about that
i bask in attention from people, guys and gals alike
loneliness just gets to me freaking easily
it could be just one person;
but i felt as if the whole world has deserted me
im just so warped [i hv an uncomprehendable liking for this word]

sometimes im truly amused at myself
probably most of the time i'm laughing at my misgivings
i constantly hear the voices of the devil and angel conversing
and to this day;
i dunno which is friend and which is a foe.

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